By — PBS NewsHour PBS NewsHour Leave your feedback Share Copy URL https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/stephen-colbert-tim-cook-george-w-bush-crack-jokes-college-graduations Email Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Tumblr Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Transcript Audio Read the Full Transcript Notice: Transcripts are machine and human generated and lightly edited for accuracy. They may contain errors. JUDY WOODRUFF: Finally tonight: It's commencement season, and that means graduates, their families and friends are hearing a lot of speeches.Many universities book high-profile alumni or big names to mark the occasion.Here are a few funny moments from some of 2015's graduations. MAYA RUDOLPH, Comedian: Well, well, well. Here we are. Look at all these beautiful faces and iPhones.(LAUGHTER) TIM COOK, CEO, Apple: Before I begin today, they asked me to make a standard announcement — you have heard this before — about silencing your phones.(LAUGHTER) TIM COOK: So, those of you with an iPhone, just place it in silent mode. If you don't have an iPhone, please pass it to the center aisle.(LAUGHTER) TIM COOK: Apple has a world-class recycling program.(LAUGHTER) STEPHEN COLBERT, Comedian: It's a pleasure to be addressing the Wake Forest graduating class of 2015. I want to start by thanking the administration and the trustees for inviting me to speak. I want to thank them for giving me an honorary doctorate of humanities. I'm a huge fan of humans.(LAUGHTER) STEPHEN COLBERT: Of course, for you grads, the future is a dark chasm of yawning uncertainty.(LAUGHTER) STEPHEN COLBERT: But don't worry. You don't have to face the future for, like, two hours.(LAUGHTER) STEPHEN COLBERT: First brunch, then yawning uncertainty.(LAUGHTER) STEPHEN COLBERT: In the late 19th century, this was among the first Southern schools to teach biology in a lab. Before then, you weren't supposed to learn biology until marriage.(LAUGHTER) STEPHEN COLBERT: In 1962, Wake Forest had the proud distinction of being the South's first major private school to integrate. And, yes, they have kept it up. All right.(LAUGHTER) KEN BURNS, Documentary Filmmaker: It had been my intention this morning to parcel out some good advice at the end of these remarks, the goodness of that being of course subjective in the extreme.But then I realized that this is the land of Mark Twain, and I came to the conclusion that any commentary today ought to be framed in the sublime shadow of this quote of his: "It's not that the world is filled with fools. It's just that lightning isn't distributed right."(LAUGHTER)GEORGE W. BUSH, Former President of the United States: Those of you graduating this afternoon with high honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done.And as I like to tell the C-students, you, too, can be president.(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Listen to this Segment Watch Watch the Full Episode PBS NewsHour from May 22, 2015 By — PBS NewsHour PBS NewsHour