At the time of filming, Edwin Hendel was living alone in his farmhouse. His daughter Kathi had provided care for her mother who had been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease twenty years ago, and had passed away two years prior to filming. When Edwin's health began to fail, Kathi assumed the role of providing his care as well. The high school teacher and mother of two soon found the responsibilities to be overwhelming and sought relief in the form of an elderly service program that provides at-home daytime caregiving services.

Since the filming of this documentary, Edwin Hendel has passed away. In the interview that follows, Kathi reflects on her experience caring for Edwin.

Caring for Mom & Dad

Why did you do it?

Kathi

My dad had worked hard all of his life, providing for his family, making sound decisions so that the family farm would be a reliable shelter for his family, and he and my mother gave me a wonderful and loving childhood. Even as young adults, they loved and nurtured their children. Therefore, when the time came for my parents to need support, it came naturally. They invested in me and my family, therefore, I wanted to invest in them.

CFM&D

How long were you providing care for your parents?

Kathi

My mother was stricken with Parkinson's disease over 20 years ago, therefore my caregiving began with her. My dad enjoyed good health up until about 5 years ago and since I was there taking care of mom, it just seemed natural to began taking care of dad's needs as they developed.

CFM&D

What was your caregiving schedule like?

Kathi

I probably spent at least 3 hours per day dealing with my parent's care. I was in charge of scheduling care workers, paying them, groceries, paying bills, working out insurance issues, making sure the medications were in the house and then preparing weekly pill boxes. I also had to keep their old farmhouse in working order so they were safe, warm, and had their needs met.

CFM&D

Did you share caregiving responsibilities with other members of your family?

Kathi

One of my brothers helped out on weekends when agency care didn't provide coverage. He would do the morning duty of helping them with breakfast, clean them up as needed, help with dentures (for my mom), medications, and setting their television for the day. There were many family members who visited regularly and brought my parents special food dishes prepared just for them. These visits meant the world to them. Also, we made sure that Mom and Dad were included in as many family functions as possible so they could still enjoy their holidays and visit with family.

CFM&D

How did caregiving affect your life?

Kathi

The care I gave my parents blessed my life in many ways and allowed me a closeness that often adult children and their parents don't have the chance to share. I will admit that many times it was difficult to cover all the bases because during this time I was working full time and managing my own family and home. I often felt like I was running a three-ring circus and many times I felt overwhelmed. However, my parents' only wish was to stay together in the farmhouse where they raised their family so I felt I must do all I could to honor that wish. Often, my husband and I would be entertaining at our home, and I'd have to leave guests to do the evening duty with my parents, then run back to my guests and get on with my plans. Vacations were difficult because I had to have every detail of their care worked out before I could leave and often was called while on vacation to work out an issue. My parents were older when I was born so most of my friend's parents were still active and independent. I had many people advise me to place my parents into a nursing facility so that I could have my life back. That plan is easier said than done and it wasn't an option for our situation.

CFM&D

What was the hardest aspect of being a caregiver?

Kathi

The most difficult aspect of being a caregiver was the amount of time it took to cover all the details and considering I filled this need for a number of years, it often was overwhelming. Also, caring for people who are never going to get well and only decline as the days pass can be depressing, too.

CFM&D

What was the most rewarding or fulfilling aspect?

Kathi

The most rewarding aspect was my parent's appreciation. They each would often say, "I just don't know what we'd do without you, thanks so much for what you do for us." I knew I was doing the right thing. Also, my children learned lessons watching me and what you do for family that they could never learn any other way.

CFM&D

Did caregiving change you in any way?

Kathi

I think caregiving changed me in understanding how short life is. How sad it was for each of my parents to once be vibrant, hardworking people and then to see their bodies begin to fail them even though they would have loved to been active and independent again. Caregiving changed my dad by making him come face to face with his limitations. It seemed that he was always losing something like, the permission to drive, to handle his finances, to cook on the stove, to go outside alone, etcetera.

CFM&D

Did caregiving change your relationship with your parents?

Kathi

While caring for Mom, Dad and I became a team. He was doing his best for her and I'd help him out until he couldn't do it anymore. Then, I covered everything. My dad was always working while I was a child and the time we spent together later in life allowed us to really get to know each other. At first, Dad wanted to remain independent as possible and didn't want the help. Later, he realized his limitations and appreciated the care. After Mom passed away, the caretakers and family visits were priceless because he was so lonely.

CFM&D

What do you wish you'd known when you first started caring for your parents?

Kathi

I guess, I wish I'd realized how much work would be involved. I underestimated the time it all would take and the physical and emotional toll it would take on me. I advise others who are considering this journey to realize the elderly wouldn't be in this position if they could change their circumstances. Also if you're going to take on the responsibility, do it with a happy heart. Don't make them feel like a burden. That's not fair.

CFM&D

Has anything changed for you since we filmed you?

Kathi

I have a huge amount of time that I am not sure how to fill. Even though, the caretaking responsibilities weren't especially enjoyable, they did constitute a large part of my life so now, I'm in search of positive things to fill that void.

CFM&D

Anything else you’d like to share with us?

Kathi

I'm pleased that our elder generation is getting the attention they deserve through efforts like this production. It's been said,"Care for the young, the infirm, and the elderly because if you live, you will have been all of these people before your life comes to an end and you would expect the most dignified and loving care possible."